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MikeKTH Newbie
 Joined: 31 July 2008
Posts: 20
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Hi I'm a married man with 2 kids. My marriage is in deep trouble as my wife has move out to stay with another man. I still love her very much and want to win her back and save this marriage. Pls advise.
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Posted: 01 August 2008 at 8:49am · IP Logged |
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the_fallen Moderator
 Joined: 01 April 2007
Posts: 985
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MikeKTH wrote:
Hi I'm a married man with 2 kids. My marriage is in deep trouble as my wife has move out to stay with another man. I still love her very much and want to win her back and save this marriage. Pls advise.
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perhaps more details from your side?
you have any faults that your wife frequently complained about?
financial, sexual, communication, emotion, lack of security, trust level, lack of freedom or others?
when was the last time you both last went for tour together as a family and as a couple (kids placed with parents/parents-in-law?
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| 细心，耐心，关心，真心和
爱心是我的五颗心。
Posted: 01 August 2008 at 11:23pm · IP Logged |
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MikeKTH Newbie
Joined: 31 July 2008
Posts: 20
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my wife did complained that i'm boring and less adventurous. She also ever mentioned that she's not satisfied with our sex life and compared me with her ex-bfs.
The last time i went for tour together with her without the kids was 7 yrs ago when we haven't got children. The last time we went for tour together with kids was 3 yrs ago.
She started to have on-off affairs with different guys more than 5 years ago. This is the 2nd time she moved out to live with another man. The previous time was more than 4 yrs ago. I forgave her and asked her to come back. She moved out for 7 months. This time, she moved out 4 months ago.
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Posted: 05 August 2008 at 6:32pm · IP Logged |
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the_fallen Moderator
Joined: 01 April 2007
Posts: 985
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are you the sole bread-winner in your family before your wife move out?
you got try reading kama sutra or similar informative stuffs which can make your bed room experience better with your wife?
how many kids do you have and who takes care of them? her/parents-in-law or your own parents?
from the above post..
she's out to seek what's lost from you..
romance, feeling of being loved (emotionally and physically)
show more concern about her and towards the family as well..
while taking money back home is important..but without the family members who cherish whatever you're doing for them; than ask yourself what is the purpose of providing for them?
make your family as your top priority followed by your wife, than money..
it's the connection which will hold you closely to your wife and your kids..
Edited by the_fallen on 05 August 2008 at 8:07pm
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| 细心，耐心，关心，真心和
爱心是我的五颗心。
Posted: 05 August 2008 at 8:06pm · IP Logged |
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Jasm Newbie
 Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 68
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To win her back, you got to find out exactly why she move out in the 1st place. Is it because you neglected her needs? Spend less time with her and kids? Is she really not satisfied with the sex life she has with you? or is it she has fallen in love with another guy.
For the 1st 2 reasons, u can just put your family and her as a priorty and problems can be solved more easily. If she has fallen in love with another guy, that will be much harder to solve. Sexual satisfaction wise, i guess you have to find ways to improve yourself or find other ways to let her has satisfactory sex life. It's not easy too.
But do remember, you said that she has had affairs before this and has even moved out before this, chances are it is not easy for her to stop having affairs even if she comes back to you. Again, it boils down to sexual needs and satisfaction that she is looking for. U must look into this aspect.
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Posted: 11 August 2008 at 8:53am · IP Logged |
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MikeKTH Newbie
Joined: 31 July 2008
Posts: 20
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I'm not the sold bread winer of the family. In fact she earns more than me.
We have 2 children. My parents takes care of them during daytime. I take care of them at nights and on weekends.
I did read kamasutra before, but never really practise because i find the techniques shown a bit not so normal. Some of the techniques are ok, but most of them are beyond me.
I do agree, sometimes i spent not that much time with her and the children, and thus somehow neglected them. It's my work. I have to work long hours.But i did try very hard to come home earlier and spend more time with my family. But since couple years back, she has also spend lesser and lesser time with me and the kids and she comes home later than me. Since she started her affairs, she even spends weekends away from us.
However, whenever she's at home with the kids, i can see how much she loves the kids and how she spend her times teaching them and taking care of them. I love see her with the kids.
I don't know whether she has fallen in love with her lover or not, but she did told me that her lover can more satisfied her sexually.
I did also try to improve my sexual teachniques like asking her where her sensitive parts are and also by viewing pornographic materials. I did try to use the technique from her whenever i got the chance, but she still didn't seem satisfied. We have not have sex for more than 3 yrs already.
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Posted: 15 August 2008 at 8:07am · IP Logged |
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lynlyn Newbie
 Joined: 15 March 2008
Posts: 16
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have you tried talking to your wife? a real heart-to-heart talk. i believe your wife doesn't feel good in such situation too.
it will be good to find out exactly what your wife is thinking so it will be good to make her talk to you.
it can be surprising that sexual satisfaction is important to women too. if the guy seldom initiate sex, it makes the woman think that she is not attractive enough or that the man is not interested in her anymore. as far as its importance, i don't think your wife will simply leave you because of this reason only. try to INITIATE to make love and spice it up. for eg. say something like 'you are beautiful today' and make it a passionate night. if you do get more opportunites, can try a different approach making it 'wilder' (not necessary for candles and stuff). if your wife resist when u initiate, attempt again. but do watch out for signs if she's really objective or just trying to play hard to get. if she's really against it, stop. watch more romantic movies and u may derive some ideas.
you mentioned she earns more than you. to some women, they have reached a certain level in her career and would want someone same or higher level than herself. but if she didn't mention anything regarding this, then this should not be the problem.
try to persuade your wife to at least go home for the sake of the children. slowly find out the reasons. try to recall the courtship days also and find out what were the things she liked and about you also. people change gradually over time without knowing ourselves.
good luck!
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| No man is perfect; you just have to find the perfect wrong man...
Posted: 17 August 2008 at 12:59am · IP Logged |
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Emotika Groupie
 Joined: 12 August 2008
Posts: 114
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Maybe u can try reminding her of how u guys fell so much in love dat u decided to spend e rest of ur lives together?
Many times in our busy lives ppl forget wat started their sparks. Remind her of times when u both feel so happy, let her feel ur love. Do these in prompting ways, never forcing her to decide. Take ur time n let her decide. Never appear pitiful or begging for her to come back. Woman let emotions control em alot.
At times, woman get superior in one way, she wants her man to be stronger, to be able to protect her n give her reassurance.
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| Its weird how fr strangers we became frens, fr frens we became more dan dat n suddenly, back to strangers. Weird.
Posted: 20 August 2008 at 4:04pm · IP Logged |
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ShirleyG Groupie
 Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 100
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Have you told her that you don't mind that she has cheated on you and you're willing to accept, forgive and forget her for her infidelities?
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Posted: 21 August 2008 at 8:35am · IP Logged |
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MikeKTH Newbie
Joined: 31 July 2008
Posts: 20
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i have had a heart to heart talk with her yesterday. She told me she has lost the sparks with me and don't crave for sex with me anymore. She told me she likes her lover very much and he cares for her and knows how to satisfy her both emotionally and sexually. She said she didn't enjoy the sex life with me but now with her lover, she has a fantastic sex life.
I told her i still love her very much and can forgive and forget abt her extra-marital sexual relationships. I asked her to think of the children and come home for the sake of the children. She said she loves the children very much and needs the children too, but she has personal and sexual needs too and at the moment she's not ready to let go of either.
She told me she'll try to be home more for the children and try to spend the weekends with them. But she's not ready to stop her relationship with her lover and still want to live with her lover. I told her we can work out some arrangement. She can take her time and slowly spend more time at home. I told her i'm not forcing her to stop her affair immedietly but hope she can try to slowly stop it and move back home for the sake of the children. She kept quiet.
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Posted: 25 August 2008 at 8:36am · IP Logged |
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