| User |
Message |
|
Kind-soul Newbie
Joined: 07 June 2011
Posts: 5
|
I got to knew this 'shy' looking man staying at the same block as me. He's a divorcee while I am a single mum with kids. I've never asked how his previous 13 yrs old marriage was broken but he had volunteerily told me ex-wife had on and off asked for divorce. He's neither a womanizer nor gambler, but stayed home most of the time. We got together about 6 months ago after much thoughts that we might be able to work out together.
But within this 6 months, I am beginning to feel the real problem with him. He is a "I, me and my" man. Everything he does or say or thought of, is about himself. In the past 6 months, I have not received a single gift from him. I paid for movie tickets with my kids and often cook dinner for him.
Recently, he has news that he'll be going overseas to work for 3-4 yrs. Nothing was said about our relationship but he's very focus which country he should be going instead as choices are given for his selection.
In between this, we do have other problem such as the ex-wife wanted to get back together after regretting to divorce. He often feel "don't involve the kids" and that bothers me very much.
I often question myself, why love such a man? Should have more than enough reasons to leave him long ago. But I still hang on and very much been praying for this lonely man to leave his 'world of selfishness'.
Anyone, would have better advise for me? I have decided to withdraw since there is no reason for me to be with him not involving the children...
|
|
Posted: 07 June 2011 at 4:08pm · IP Logged |
| |
|
|
|
|
veronicakueh Newbie
 Joined: 20 April 2009
Posts: 86
|
Hi "Kind-soul",
"1. I often question myself, why love such a man?
2. Should have more than enough reasons to leave him long ago.
3. But I still hang on and very much been praying for this lonely man to leave his 'world of selfishness'.
You seem to know the answers from questions 1, 2, 3.
Are you strong to be independent, courageous to go on and find your own happiness; minus "him".
Do you like being a "doormat" and your kids serving "him" as well. -putting it bluntly-living off you.
But Love is unconditional; one would argue and you are expecting "too much in return". From what you had written, seems like you were there at the wrong place, at the wrong time and met the wrong "man".
LIFE is about CHOICES!! Freedom comes with responsibilities to choose, decide as well as compromise.
It is not about a bed of roses, but no one said it would be easy. YOU can simplify by doing what makes you and your kids healthy, happy and unhibited.
YOU are no. 1 who can make thwe difference; the rest can advise. Be happy. Good Luck. Be blessed,
|
| vkse-superb
Posted: 07 June 2011 at 11:26pm · IP Logged |
|
|
the_fallen Moderator
 Joined: 01 April 2007
Posts: 985
|
Perhaps you might want to re-look and examine why do you even like the guy in the first place?
From the way you phrase it, and how you give us your clear answers with intention made known..
It is evident that you are just looking for a partner, somebody who can empathize with you and share the same feelings like you.
Thus you were initially attracted to the divorced guy..due to the similarities only, nothing more than that..your clear minded thinking is proof of which.
As for you never asking about the reasons of him divorcing, is due to a fact pointed out by veronica already and that is you're already independent..you just need company..one who is at the same frequency as you, if not someone who you can talk to to lessen your loneliness inside.
You already made the right decision, so stick to it..next time when you choose a man, do so for the right reasons, and figure out what are you really looking for in a relationship.
Congrats for being such clear headed. =)
Edited by the_fallen on 08 June 2011 at 1:17am
|
| 细心，耐心，关心，真心和
爱心是我的五颗心。
Posted: 08 June 2011 at 1:16am · IP Logged |
|
|
Kind-soul Newbie
Joined: 07 June 2011
Posts: 5
|
Hi veronicakueh, yes, I have all the answers. It's the matter of the heart that is difficult to convince. Now that I have made up my mind, he's also aware. I feel released from the heavy burden. He's not living off me, as he has a good income. Except that he's a 'spolit' man by his ex-wife and parents. He won't do anything for anyone else except himself.
Hi the_fallen, you are right, I was seeking for a companionship. I had a relationship before him and this is one of the mature man but yet, simply selfish. I had never met with such a man in my entire life 
Good experience for me and I certainly prioritise my children before any man... Whoever not with me and my children are not with me...  Thanks both for the well wishes...
|
|
Posted: 08 June 2011 at 11:24am · IP Logged |
|
|
veronicakueh Newbie
Joined: 20 April 2009
Posts: 86
|
Good for you Kind-soul for the tone in your reply seem a very "know-what-to-do" person. Congratulations and hang-in the there.
As for matters of the heart? I consider them as feelings. For example, when I am hungry, I would eat what I fancy. Once filled and satisfied-hunger is gone. Loneliness-I go seek out by going out or merely have a soliloquy-talking to onself, listen to music, watch the 'idiot' box-tv-could be a playright too...you know anticipate the next lines?! Daft,Huh? But these are some of the many stuff i would do to beat a broken heart. Hey we are humans---i can empathise w/o being cynical or judgment. your kids sound like a couple of beautiful angels, like u....yeah??? 
|
| vkse-superb
Posted: 08 June 2011 at 3:50pm · IP Logged |
|
|
alanna0 Newbie
Joined: 12 July 2011
Posts: 2
|
I m so sorry to hear this...
As veronicakueh said, LIFE is about CHOICES!! How to choose and what life will be, just your decide...
Plz, make a good choice for yourself...
good luck
|
|
Posted: 20 July 2011 at 11:39am · IP Logged |
|
|
hazelnutcookie Groupie
Joined: 20 May 2011
Posts: 414
|
Hope u have sorted things out already and is living a better life now!
|
|
Posted: 21 July 2011 at 10:45pm · IP Logged |
|
|
veronicakueh Newbie
Joined: 20 April 2009
Posts: 86
|
Heck! If u haven't. LOVE your kids..the nearest thing to heaven. May be able to learn something surprising if you try and open up to them in ways you ought to know how by now.
The saying goes "IF THERE WERE MORE FATHERS THAN MEN........" I am sure you'd know how to end that saying. This is something for you to think about what you wanna do with your life and how to go about it.
Nobody says it was gonna be easy, but it'll be worth it;if you are patient.
|
| vkse-superb
Posted: 22 July 2011 at 1:38pm · IP Logged |
|
|
heartlink Newbie
Joined: 11 June 2010
Posts: 89
|
Leave and get a better man ! After receiving news that he will he posted to other country for work ,he never even have a thought for not going for the sake of you .Why love such guy when he doesnt even cares about you ?
|
|
Posted: 19 August 2011 at 8:46pm · IP Logged |
|
Follow us: 
