Compiling data from 373 couples over 16 years, starting from their first year of marriage, here's what the researchers at the University of Michigan found:
1. The most toxic fighting styles
It's common knowledge that couples who yell or call each other names have a higher chance of getting divorced. But the study found that one of the worst ways to fight is when one spouse deals with conflict constructively (for example, calmly talking matters through, listening to their partner's point of view) and the other spouse withdraws."This pattern seems to have a damaging effect on the longevity of marriage," said the study's lead author Kira Birditt. "Spouses who deal with conflicts constructively may view their partners' habit of withdrawing as a lack of investment in the relationship rather than an attempt to cool down."
Couples in which both partners used constructive strategies had lower divorce rates, the study found.
2. Men and women differ
Although women were more likely to use destructive strategies (like withdrawal) early in their marriage, they were also more likely to deal with marital conflicts in constructive ways over time as the relationship progressed.Men's behaviors, on the other hand, stayed the same through the years.
"Relationships and the quality of relationships may be more central to women's lives than they are to men," Birditt said. "As a result, over the course of marriage, women may be more likely to recognize that withdrawing from conflict or using destructive strategies is neither effective nor beneficial to the overall well-being and stability of their marriages."
