A relationship, however, is tricky enough without factoring in drama from your past. Still, at a certain point, brooching on The Number is often inevitable. How will yours impact your current relationship? Should you even share your sexual pasts with each other? We weigh in on this touchy topic.
When is it the right time to open up?
The short answer is: Only when both of you are comfortable with it. Some people are okay to disclose their number, regardless of how high or low it may be. Others are more guarded. If you belong to the latter camp, know that you don't have to open up about your sexual past if you're not ready to. "In a perfect world you should share information with your partner, but we aren't in a perfect world," says Eris Huemer, author of Break-Up Emergency and relationship counselor in Los Angeles. Until you are at that level where you're comfortable with each other, Huemer suggests you keep sexual history in the past, "except for discussions regarding health issues (HIV, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.)"Even if you're cool with sharing, there's also the issue of timing. A biggie: Never offer intimate confessions or demand a tell-all on the first few dates when you still don't know each other very well or you could scare him away.
Keep it non-judgmental and honest
When the time is right, the key is to tread on the topic in a non-judgmental way: Create a sexual agreement, in which both parties agree to talk about sex in an open and supportive manner in an effort to move the relationship forward rather than have it be a source of frustration, advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids.Above all, resist the urge to stretch the truth. "Never lie," stresses Huemer. "You can say 'I'm not comfortable talking about this right now' or 'We don't want to go there'." says Dr. Katie McCorkle, psychologist and founder of Balanced Heart Healing Center. "If you are interested in a possible long-term relationship with this person, lying could be a deal-breaker."
